Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you. Do you have a minute? I kind of need you all to do a tiny favor for me. Just this once, all right?

It's just that the most embarrassing thing happened to me the other day. Are you ready? Promise me you won't laugh. Okay, soooo…I lost my cell phone. Yes, I KNOW. I'm so stupid! I have no clue how it happened. It's like, one second it was in my pocket, and then I was on a roller coaster and everything, and then it was GONE, and I was like, totally bummed afterwards. Cell phones are expensive, you know.

Oh my, this is terribly embarrassing. You wonder how anybody could be so careless with a $200 piece of machinery. And to think, I'd just bought it three months ago to replace the one I lost before that! Isn't that so ironic? I can be so absentminded sometimes, lol.

But hey, I just got this really sweet new phone a couple hours ago, so everything's fine now! It only cost a little more than twice as much as my old one, and I even got to keep my number! Plus it's black. I've always wanted a black cell phone. The only thing missing is my number collection, and that's where you guys come in.

All I want you to do is post your numbers right here on the wall, and I'll store them in my address book and you can all go on with your lives. Isn't that so convenient? In case you're still confused, this isn't an actual Facebook event. There's nothing to "attend." That may seem weird, but…just do it, all right? Trust me on this.

I wonder if anyone's thought of doing this before. This is such a good idea! I surprise myself sometimes, to be honest.

What's that? You say we haven't even made eye contact in two and a half years? That's even better! Maybe one night when I'm absolutely plastered I'll drunk-dial you, and we'll catch up. Come to think of it, I AM plastered right now. And I sure am lonely…