You stare at your computer screen for a very long time. Before you realize it, all the lights in the office are off, and a janitor is going around cleaning people's cubicles. You try to make small talk with the janitor, but he doesn't speak English very well. The only thing he seems to know is "Go fuck yourself," so you decide to play a neat little prank on him: you take a serrated blade out of your desk and rip a nine inch gash across his stomach, spilling viscera all over the ground. Ha-ha, you think. The joke's on him -- he has to clean it all up! After washing up, you go home and beat your wife relentlessly.

The next day, she calls the police. You love confrontations, so when the police arive at your doorstep, you begin opening fire on them with the AK-47 you keep underneath your bed. Things aren't looking good, because the National Guard has been mobilized to neutralize you. Dozens of men descend on you and pump you full of lead. In your last moments, you manage to mutter something. You say, "I'm sorry," but the national media publishes your last words as "I'm a Democrat." The political fallout is too large to contain, and John McCain is elected president in November 2008. You lose, idiot.

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